I have No Idea what i want to do in life

I have everything I have ever wanted. I mean this in the least boastful way possible. I drive a beautiful car, earn good money from a job I used to dream about doing, I have an incredible family, a happy relationship, I’ve just bought my first home before the age of 21. Everything is going my way- Yet I’m still unhappy?

It is no secret that I am an over-the-top worrier. Ever since I can remember, I have worried about my future and not knowing what direction my life is going to go in. It hit me like a ton of bricks when it came to choosing my GCSE’s at 13 years old as I didn’t even know where to start. Coming from a family where it was pretty much compulsory to go to university, I was the first one to not want to go. Luckily, my dad is the most amazing guy I know, and even though he probably was a bit hurt that I didn’t want to get a degree, he never ever let it show and is always proud of me no matter what I do.

Despite losing my mum whilst preparing for my exams, I managed to pass every single exam and left school with about 7 A*-C grades (edit: I didn’t actually pass geography but who’s counting?). I then had to make the big decision of whether I go to college, or whether I go to sixth form. I will be the first to admit that I am not academically gifted. My head is fully screwed onto my shoulders and I like to think of myself as fairly intelligent, but I cannot sit an exam to save my life- that meant that sixth form was out of the question.

I decided to head on to college and study fashion, as growing up I was obsessed with becoming a fashion designer. If I’m honest, the next two years at college were some of the most academically challenging years of my life and I was definitely expecting the fashion course to be a breeze – *Kudos to ANYONE who has handmade any type of garment before*. I passed both years and looked at going to an arts university, but in short, it was more stress than it was worth and I wasn’t mentally stable enough to leave home.

After college, I decided against university and got myself a full time job at a pharmacy (and completed all of my dispensary qualifications), went self employed on my old blog for a while and then I joined the Estate agency world, which is where I am now, and although I am happy and settled in my current job, I just have no idea which direction my life is going to take.

With being only twenty years old, I have achieved so much in such a short space of time but yet, quite often I find myself being so unhappy with where I am in life. Ever since I was around 13 I have struggled with depression and anxiety and I personally feel a lot of it has stemmed from being around social media constantly. Instagram is most definitely a highlight reel, and believe me, I’m just as addicted as the next person; but there comes a time when I have to give myself a shake and realise it isn’t as great as it seems. These girls wont be happy 24/7 either. Bottom line is, I am sat liking pictures of a girl with an incredible body who’s being paid to go on a beach holiday and call it “work” whilst I am sat in an office with the weather pissing it down outside, its enough to make anyone envious and unhappy.

It’s been engraved into me ever since I was a little girl that the formula of a good job+mortgage+good partner = happy life but it really is so far off. I am trying to focus my attention on the “what will be, will be” way of life and be more grateful of what I do have, rather than what I don’t.

Moral of the story is it is ok to not have everything figured out. It’s ok to be sad sometimes and not know how lucky you are. “You’ll bloom when you’re ready” is one of my all time favourite quotes. I feel immense pressure to have my shit together already, and I know it’s not just me who feels like that, we as a generation struggle to realise that life has literally only just begun and yet we still worry about not hitting milestones quick enough.

So, stop waiting. Stop waiting for 5PM Friday. Stop waiting for your 21ST birthday. Stop waiting for your summer holiday, or christmas, or the bank holiday weekend. Easier said than done, I know, but at least try and enjoy the moment.